The 3 Laws of Ignoramus Doofus
1. After this, therefore because of this
An expansion of this is something that happens together, will always happen together. Fire together, wire together. These principles are scientifically proven by Markov's chain and Bayesian theorem.
2. I do it, because everybody does
When asked for justification, only come up with a single reason, regardless whether or not there are other reasons not to do it, or whether or not it is even relevant to the cause.
In any case, better to fail together with a lot of other people since doing so will give plenty of targets to point finger at.
3. I want it, therefore everybody wants it
Everybody is the same. If I am thirsty, you are too. If I am hungry you are too. If I like blue, so do you. If I find it funny that I dropped a bucket of dirty paint on your brand new car, you'd laugh too.